Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in John Shuttleworth's LiveJournal:

Friday, June 8th, 2007
8:39 pm	Savoury video! I'm very proud of this! Please go and download this on Monday from my site and set me chartbound!
Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
10:34 pm	4 Rather Tasty Tracks! Greetings, webloggers! Or is that a bit formal? Anyway, you'll have noticed that I've been a bit quiet on here lately. This is because Ken hasn't let me onto his PC in two years, because I was too forceful with the CD tray last time (I had wanted to listen to 'Auberge' while browsing an online DIY catalogue for a reliable source of passivated hinges), but he's making an exception tonight, because we have some very exciting news! Yes, Top of the Pops, here we come! With your help, John Shuttleworth could be chart bound at last! All you have to do is go to my Internet Drop-In Centre on the 11th of June 2007 and buy my new EP '4 Rather Tasty Tracks'. Though obviously, if you're saving for a new shed or hostess trolley you can just buy one track out of the four, though I don't know how you would choose. Each track is a perfect slice of nutrition themed pop, currently being showcased on my 'With My Condiments' tour, and can be downloaded for a very competitive 50 new pence per track! Tracks are 'I Can't Go Back To Savoury Now', 'Two Margarines', 'Tummy Trouble' and 'Serial Cereal Eater', and I must warn you, once you've heard them, you won't get a wink of sleep that night! Perhaps leave a few hours before retiring after listening. Punch the air! John.
Saturday, March 19th, 2005
10:33 pm	Fawn Again John! What are you doing on my PC? I let you in two hours ago to assemble my new computer desk while I popped out for a shish kebab, and you seem to be making yourself at home! Calm down, Ken, I'm using this routefinder program that came bundled with your desktop machine, in order to ascertain the best way of getting between venues on my forthcoming tour.   What's wrong with a map?   Nothing whatsoever, Ken. I've a full compliment of 1 mile to the inch Ordance Survey maps in the glove compartment of my Ambassador. It's just that I'm trying to keep up with technological advances. Besides, me maps are getting a bit scuffed.   I'm sorry to hear that, John There's no time to waste, Kenneth ! We must plan refuelling stops, where to find snacks and hot drinks for when my flask is running low; where I might buy a new flask should it get jolted and - God forbid - smash. That's easy, John. A new flask may be purchased where you buy the other things you mentioned. Indeed Ken, you're right. At a garage. In fact, if I buy sufficient fuel, I may get a new flask free or at least at a greatly reduced rate. Mm.. the offer might be for a travel rug that day, John. No problem, Ken. I'll need a new travel rug, as I'm going a fair distance on this tour, and it will be handy for picnic stops or the occasional light snooze mid afternoon.Now as to the tour itself. It's called 'Fawn Again'. Why is that? I hear you ask. I don't know. Somebody else thought of the title because I couldn't think of one.   It's a very clever title though, John. It works on a few levels. "Fawn again" could mean you're getting old and  staid, and predictable in the wardrobe department, but it also suggests rebirth, a spiritual renaissance.   I wouldn't know about that, Ken. You've lost me now. Lets have those tour dates before you lose yourself too!   Very well John. The tour dates are as follows:  (and here they are) I'll have scruffy builder type Dave Tordoff supporting me as well. He's used to entertaining rooms of drunken Waterbuffaloes or Wildebeest,  or so he tells me, so my audience should be a treat for him. I hope you come along and give us your support. See you there! John   Yes, bye for now, folks!  love Ken
Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
10:46 pm	It'sh Chrishmush! Greetings from Sheffield South Yorkshire to one and all! Merry Chrishmush! Ken! Have you been at the Malibu already? It's not Christmas yet, you know, though some preparation for the Yuletide season should by now have been undertaken, otherwise you risk coming a cropper on Christmas Day. Obviously John, and for that very reason that I've ordered a small goose to be deposited on me doorstep on Christmas Eve.   Ooph, sounds a bit insanitary to me, Ken. Also, if you're not in, or you don't hear the butcher when he calls round, and the bird is left unattended for any length of time, what's to stop local youths spotting it and using it as a football, or perhaps just prodding it with their fingers (which may be soiled if they've been scrambling up a muddy bank, minutes earlier) and laughing in a sick manner as they do so?   You're in danger of losing me, John.. but to answer your first question, if I may - yes, I have commenced my celebrations. And why not? The rock'n'roll lifestyle encourages excesh, as does Christmush, and I'm living that lifestyle right now, daddio! Ooph, calm down, Kenneth! And back off a little bit too, please, because your breath is somewhat rancid.   I bet it isn't, John. You've offended me by saying that. Rancid's a nasty word to use about someone's breath.   Well, it's pretty overpowering, Ken. What have you been drinking?   I've only had a few malibus.   But that would surely release a coconutty odour from your mouth that would be pleasant to my nostrils.   And a couple of pickled eggs.   Oh I see..   Which I had to accompany a reheated lamb madras - mm gorgeous.   Now I understand. You're crazy, Ken, and in serious danger of peaking too early this Christmas. I bet you've already bought a selection stocking for yourself and torn open the acrylic netting to get at a Wispa or a Fudge possibly.. You greedy greedy man!   Be quiet, John! Christmas is a time for feashting, and shelebrating the birth of baby Jesus, not for being a killjoy and a bishybody.   Maybe so, but you're getting too close again. Indeed, you're in danger of crossing the dividing line between our two properties; ie. trespassing AND in your carpet slippers! Ooph, Ken! Luckily you're not a married man, otherwise your life wouldn't be worth living right now. I'm not trying to alarm you but if you make more than a couple of  trips to your wheelybin with wrapping paper over the holiday period in them instead of slipping into gardening shoes or suchlike you'll render those slippers unusable.   Thanks for the advice, John, but I must now return to my office as I have important business to finish off - as well as a brandy miniature and a box of sugared almonds! Would you perchance care to join me? Hic!   Oh.. go on then, Ken. You've twisted me arm. But tarry a second, if you will, Sirrah, and first join with me in wishing the readers of our blog - a very erm..   Merry Christmas?   Well, I was going to say "happy", but go on then - a MERRY Christmas, everyone!   Yesh.. Merry Chrishmush! Mmm.. Nighsh one!
Monday, November 8th, 2004
10:06 pm	Ken's Kandid Kommuniqué (hello readers - John's busy this week with a major grouting project, so I thought you might like to catch up on all his news with my Kommuniqué!) Halloween! - I mean hallow everybody! Ken Worthington here with another kandid kommuniqué. A lot's been happening recently in Worthington's International New Talent Agency - or WINTA for short. Aspiring after-dinner speaker, Dave Tordoff's just purchased a peacock (http://www.davetordoff.com); Brian Appleton's soon to record another miserable series of lectures for BBC radio (due for broadcast May '05), and.. versatile singer/organist Mr John Shuttleworth has finished realigning his gates and realised that his public are missing him: it's time he realigned those gates once more - i.e. opened them - got back in his Austin Ambassador Y reg, and hit the road, Daddio! So.. it's my very great pleasure to announce that John will be touring in May and June '05 throughout the UK, in a brand new show - "Fawn Again". Funny that, as I notice in my Dairy Diary (now my 'Kwery Korner') recently, people have been discussing the merits of the colour "fawn". I don't think there are any merits myself, but still it's a very clever title, I'm sure you'll agree. I look forward to announcing the full list of dates in my next Kommuniqué. Some venues have already been confirmed, but I can't for the life of me remember which ones, so it would be foolhardy of me to guess - just in case you book 4 seats at Dinnington Alhambra and end up seeing not John but "Tag Wrestling on Ice". Mind you, that would be a terrific night out, don't you think? Perhaps as an impressario I might consider mounting such a production. It's the sort of production WINTA should be mounting, oh yes.. I'm sorry, I'm digressing just a little. John's asked me to tell you that he's very sorry his new film "It's Nice Up North" is not finished and out on DVD yet. Aw well, it just shows it must be really brill if it's taking this long to finish! The good news is that a  hilarious 7 minute trailer for the film has been made, and will appear on a new DVD release of 500 Bus Stops to be released shortly - and for once I do mean shortly! In time for this Christmas. Isn't that exciting news! Yes, inspired by the recent appearance of pirate DVD copies of 500 Bus Stops on eBay, I've decided to make a legit one. As well as the new film trailer, it will feature extras like a photo gallery and amusing musical tape loops. You will be able to order the DVD of "500 Bus Stops" exclusively from the site, from around the middle of November - so keep checking the shop (http://www.shuttleworths.co.uk/shop.html) to find out if it's arrived. Oo, I can't wait, can you? (Well, you're going to have to, I'm afraid..)  Finally, I hope you're enjoying the new-look website, set up by my work experience lad Tessian. It has a fresh, hygenic look, and there are tons more links and buttons to press than previously, and quizzes too.. well, there aren't any just yet, but we're working on it! Tata for now, Ken Worthington (if you want to receive this by email, when it comes out, just write to me (Ken) @jsas.biz !)
Monday, October 18th, 2004
10:26 pm	Hello! Hello! Greetings friends! Welcome one and welcome all to my, er, what is it again, Ken? It's a 'blog, John. All the young people have one these days. You need to shift your demographic to catch a younger audience, and this could be one way. Your audience is dying off! Very well, Ken. Welcome to my 'blog! Erm.. what's a blog when it's at home, Ken? It's a way of communicating to anyone who might be interested what you've been up to, what you're going to get up to, and to reach out to your potential new audience. Well, today I've been in me shed mostly, sorting paints by type (gloss, matt, eggshell and satin) and colour. It's a complex system, but satisfying to use once learnt. In addition, I've had tea, which tonight was a Quorn shepherd's pie, and I'm now with Ken in front of his PC. Back to the paints for a second, if we may, John - you failed to mention "primer", or indeed "undercoat".  Ooph, you're right, Ken. I've omitted the 2 most important categories. After all, it's 90% preparation. I'd best be off back to me shed, Ken, and get relabelling..  Tarry awhile, John. You've not yet told us the really exciting news. Oh yes, my new website has just been launched. Oooh. It looks lovely.. Did you do all this, Ken? No, I've had a work experience lad in the office over the summer. Very keen lad called Tessian. Taking calls, making tea, cleaning out the bowls of Bombay Mix and so on. Dab hand at websites too. And best of all, I haven't paid him a penny. You've not just got me in there, have you, Ken? No, no I haven't. There's some other lads from my stable, Brian Appleton, Dave Tordoff and a new lad, name of Graham Fellows. He's a versatile singer and entertainer, originally from Sheffield, South Yorkshire, John. Ring any bells? Ken! What are you saying? Are you edging me out? It won't do you any harm to feel the hot breath of competition on the back of your neck, John. You've been resting on your laurels lately, and it won't do. There's a new tour to write, cassettes to make, new songs to craft. I've got a large rostrum of talent crying out for original material that will play across a large age range, and I can't afford to carry any dead weight. Look sharp, John! I will, Ken. But first.. me shed beckons. tata for now, everybody! Current Mood: creative